The haunted individual

Home alone

2012-02-10T05:36:00.000-08:00

You know what sucks?Being home alone and having nothing to eat.I know its time like these when i wish i should learn how to cook.But cooking leaves me and my mother's kitchen in such a mess.So just to avoid the mess i avoid cooking which leaves me in this state of hunger.
So now just to get over this state im in at the moment i decided to start writing,the less i'll think about food the less i'll want it.Lets think about good things,things like Abdullah Qureshi.

Yeah.This is what he looks like.And he is my latest obsession.Getting obsessed with things like him is healthy.But the height this time my obsession is getting to is dangerous.I mean i know people must think i've lost it.Or maybe im a thirteen year old girl who is in love with someone who does not even know that i exist.But i don't care as long as he sings good and keeps looking as sexy as he looks.

And oh its called love at first sight and it is so pretty.

Because its Friday i decided to look better and pretty.I'm usually very lazy when it comes to changing clothes and getting ready.You know im that type of person who believes in staying at home in your pj's and just reading a good book or watching a good movie.

Yeah this is what usually i look like before and after getting ready.Looking good does feel good.But who cares how you look as long as you are not taking any pictures.One should always look good in pictures.

I believe when everything fails in life one should always have faith and trust in shopping and photography.
Yes i said photography.And no im not a photographer.I just like taking pictures.And i love shopping.Remember when you are all low on life only two things can keep you going:
o Food
o Shopping.

Like they say:Whoever said money can not buy happiness didn't know where to shop from.

This post is turning into such a random post.I should better stop it.

This one is for you AQ

2012-02-10T01:07:00.001-08:00

New beginnings

2012-02-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

I think i've finally come to terms with whats happening in life at the moment.Mirrors lie and ask difficult questions.
Am i still beautiful?Will he still love me when i have wrinkles?Am i only what i do or who i love?Have i missed something important in life?Why is this phase so difficult?
Myth-A 30 year old women finds 40 year old men attractive.
Fact- A 22 year old women finds a 18 year old boy more attractive.

Its called the 'He's been with another woman radar'.Expect that its not always reliable,because we see only what we choose to see.Broken hearts can be mended.All it takes is a few nights of drunken revelry and many nights of tears stained pillows.
The real solution to a broken heart is of-course another man.Ha!Well other men.Or better still a hair cut.

A red dress and stilettos and you feel like all your dreams can come true.Then you wake up the next morning and realize it's just another regular day and you put your life on hold,until the next time you take out that red dress from your closet 20 or not we are all looking for happiness but perhaps in the wrong places.

Its time for new beginnings.

I've sorted out my life now.I've done what i had to do.

2012-02-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

My darling,I dont know if you're ever going to read this letter,but it helps to write to you everyday.It keeps you close to me.God,I miss you so.You haunt every hour of my life.I wish i'd never met you.No- i dont mean that!What good would my life be without my memories of you to make me smile.

I keep wondering if you're happy.I want you to be.I want you to have a glorious life.That's why i couldnt say the things i knew you wanted to hear when we were together.I was afraid.Not saying that to you was the only unselfish thing i did,and now i even regret it.

I'd give up all my life to have one year with you.Six months.Three.Anything.

You stole my heart in just a few days,darling,but you didnt gave me your heart.I know you didnt.

I dont regret the loss my freedom anymore or rage at the injustice of the years i spent.Now my only regert is that i dont have you.You're happy,and i know you'll forget about me quickly and go on with your life.That's exactly what you should do.It's what you must do.I want you to do that,love.

Thats such a lousy lie.Wha t i really want from life is you.You'll never know that.

I wish i had written you a better letter.The all other letters are much more coherent than this one.I wont send another letter to you.Letters will make me hope and dream and if i dont stop doing that,i will die of wanting you.

Before i go-i want you to know that i love you.I loved you the very fist time i talked to you.I will always love you.Everywhere.Always.

2012-02-07T22:56:00.001-08:00

To the only man who has ever brought thunder and lightning and rainbows into my life.It happens once and when it does its forever.To my one and only with all my heart.

Happy Birthday Baba

2012-02-07T05:30:00.000-08:00

So its Baba's birthday tomorrow.

Baba when i was born you were there to catch me when i fall whenever or whereever.When i said my first words you were there for me to teach me the whole dictionary if need be.When i took my first steps you were there to encourage me on.When i had my first day at school you were there to give me advice and help me with my home work.When it was my first day of board exam you were there to wish me luck.When i went to college you were there to drop me on my first day.When i went to uni you helped me choose my subjects.When ever i asked for a new mobile you got me one within a day.No matter how expensive the thing im asking for is you made sure i get it.Be it be branded hand bags glasses or shoes.And i know you'll always be with me.
Baba i love you alot and im proud to be your daughter.
Me and my sister-We've always been daddy’s girls.Always loved,our daddy’s world.We look like him.We write like him,sometimes,we even talk like him.
We love this man,his jokes,his pleasant smile.And the way the corners of his eyes crinkle just right when he laughs.He’s always pushed us far enough that we do our very best.When we run together,we're okay at the start.But as the race pushes on we slow down.Our breath heaving.And we think we can’t go on.Then, we look over,at the bravest,strongest,kindest,most wonderful man,we’ll ever know.As he looks at us with the worried eyes of a father,we smile to our self.
Cause we know that’s the way a daddy looks at his daughter.That’s the way,our daddy loves us.With concern,compassion,and a unique understanding.We've always been daddy’s girls.Ever since we were little.Through the years.We'd look up at him.We’d see those eyes crinkling at the corners,
And we knew.We were and always be.My daddy’s little girls.

Trying to gain other's attention, I never realised I always had yours. Trying to impress others, I never knew that you already were. Trying to fix things on my own, I never knew that they had already been fixed by you. Trying to get the best of life, I never knew I already had it all, given by you. I love you. Happy Birthday Baba♥!

Dear Wolfie

2012-02-07T02:35:00.001-08:00

Dear Wolfie,

Its 3:01 AM and i miss you real bad.I miss how we used to party at this hour of night and laugh like mad and how you always made your mother come in room to check whats wrong with you.And how you used to talk real slow when your dad was home.I miss you.And right now im really down and guess what only you can cheer me up.But i don't have you here.I miss your Islamiat final and our talks.
Allah-Suhbanatala said.Aww.You were such a baby.And your late night games.And your early morning walks.Allah.Remember how i always used to say that life is perfect.See how we runied it.I thought we were going to live the way we were forever.General was wrong wolfie.Even you,i mean YOU can not change it.You could change everything.I know you could.I know you dream of us everytime you fall asleep.I know you miss us.I know you dial our numbers.I know you walk by that place and cry.I know you look around for a hitler.I know you sit there waiting for us to come.I know you wonder whats wrong.I know you now throw the garbage in the bin.I know you do.I miss how we used to talk for hours and talked about nothing.I miss how you made fun of and my study time.I miss your finals.I miss you alot right now.I am really,like really down and if i talked to you i know you would have said everything will be okay you are here with us.Aww.You were always there.Atleast for me you were always there.And i heart you for that.

Love,
Me.

2012-02-06T02:14:00.000-08:00

1. I'm loud.And chances are i'll end up hating you if i dont' know you.

2. I always say the wrong thing at the right time.

3. There are very few people who can actually make me laugh when im down.And they know what exactly makes me laugh.

4. I'm a hopeless romantic in the wrong century.

5. I want to do bodybuilding, oil myself and then beat a few men.

6. Radio made me happy.

7. I want to go back to Pakistan and live there the way i lived before.People find that surprising but its true.Pakistan is my jan.I feel comfortable there.And thats my country.Im proud of it.

8. As soon as i finish my studies i plan to backpack across Europe with friends.I so want to visit Effiel Tower.

9. I basically don't like Karachi and never wanted to visit it.But Ali Ansari did the magic.

10. Lemon Soda is stuck in my head like a favourite song.

11. I dream about people who don't exist in real.

12. I never knew i would end up saying this but i think Wolfie and i were best of friends now.And i know this just can not be the end.We'll meet again for sure.Because we are suppose to be.

13. My sister and me are eachother's opposites yet people end up asking,'Are you twins?'

14. I think fisha should lose weight so that i can stop calling her 'moti'.

15. I want the mirror to show the other side of us.

16. I want to write more.But i won't.I miss my old-self.

To my friend.

2012-02-05T03:35:00.000-08:00

You're very honest. I don't like the side of me you show me. It's brutal. I hate it when you're right. I get pissed and ignore you for days. But that doesn't imply that I don't miss you. I love our weird talks and random texts and that also not from my cell-phone. I love how we manage to turn the nicest of things into something exremely perverse.I miss how we both use to make eachother laugh even when we were in the biggest fight of our life.I miss how we both cried over that one thing that changed our life.I miss your friends. I love our fights and possesivness over stuff which does not really matter. I love how we talk about God, and life and how we become so emotionally retarded sometimes.I miss I miss your pulpy orange. I love our too gay too suicidal teenage ramblings.I miss how we shared so much of our fave things.I miss the foot-ball player. I love our little quotes.I miss our small trips.I miss the ice-creams.I miss how we both hated eachother from day one. I love how you're so funny. I miss every bit of this. I hope some day, when we're all grown up, we're still kiddish like this: we're still friends.I will make people believe you are not all that bad.Thats my promise.

2012-02-05T03:15:00.001-08:00

- Late night adventures.
- Lots and lots of coke.
- The roller coaster feeling.
- Rock and roll.
- The wizard of Islamabad.
- Splashing barefoot in puddles.
- Swinging on swings.
- Falling in love in Pakistan.
- Beautiful people on the insides.
- Giggling little kids.
- Those who smile back.
- Random fits of laughter.
- Writing.
- Reading.
- Daydreaming.
- Wandering often aimlessly.
- Wondering.
- Fall leaves.
- The first rain fall.
- Star gazing
- Rainbows

12 June,2007.

2012-02-04T01:23:00.001-08:00

Today i fell in love.

Routine.

2012-02-04T00:47:00.001-08:00

I can't believe this my routine :

Woke up.
Dressed.
Ate breakfast.
Read-Life after love.

Ate lunch.
Read more Life after love.

Retired.
Slept.
Dreamed of him.

Woke up.
Ate dinner.
Read.
Dreamed of him.

Fleepee-The parrort

2012-02-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

I will always remember the Flee-phee who taught me that not all relationships are meant to be spoken. Sometimes, just the actions are enough to touch your heart.Parrots are miracles with red beaks.

P.s:
I love you alot.You are a younger sister i'll always love.

Animals and men?

2012-02-04T00:23:00.000-08:00

You're so easy to talk to, unlike my current cow.I mean, come on! I was comparing men to animals!Which, let's face it, sometimes they are. But sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, you open the barn door, or the bedroom door, or the hospital room door, and you find the real thing. You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and you're elbow deep in Kleenex, and he can still look at you, and tell you that he is not the last man you're ever going to love.

Just a dialogue

2012-02-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

Liz: Why feed me all that romantic bullshit if he's just gonna cheat on me?
Jane: Two words: Coppulatory Imperative.
Liz: Excuse me?
Jane: The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is only 15% of all male animals are monogomous. The rest are...
Liz: Plucking Penelope Pope.

Money can't buy

2012-02-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

1.Money can't buy the right guy to share a $5 coffee.
2.Money can't buy dreams.
3.Money can't buy a leap of faith.

This ones for you AQ

2012-02-03T22:43:00.001-08:00

2012-02-02T03:21:00.000-08:00

He:could I have a word? It'll only take a moment.
Me: Well, let me think. You stole seven years of her life with your bullshit and your charm and now you'd like just a moment?

Because its your birthday

2012-02-02T02:19:00.000-08:00

You should know, i've never struggled for words before. But when it comes to you, i always manage to fall short, reduced to hallmark cards and hollow sayings that are trying to be something they will never be.I hope you wake up feeling great today.Only so that when you wake up feeling great from now on, you’ll think of me, only (not because i want to be remembered but)so that we're always talking when we're not, by knowing we're not, and thinking we are. You are the person of my dreams. Nothing that anyone can say or do will ever truly break us apart, I'm sure of it. Forever.
This is real, even if we may not share it. Well of course we do, but it's supposed to be some hidden secret that we don't speak, only feel. Though, if i do both, will that make it stronger? I just know you always manage to find-all of the possible ways to make my heart beat erratically and steal my breath away. We’ve become the best of friends, I know without a doubt, And you and I together are an archetype. Every time I think of you I drift far away and smile, And all the inside jokes we share. Keep me laughing like a child. You make me feel like no other could-Stand with me through every test and trial. You know if there was some way to be together, tonight I would walk every single mile. No matter what we do, we’ll always be two crazy kids in love, The years that pass won’t leave a clue.
Happy Birthday to you.